This Week
- Gorgeous warm spring days and fiery sunsets here in Utah.
- The issue my laptop started having and how it turned out.
- The deep inner work I’ve been doing lately.
March 2026
| Su | M | T | W | Th | F | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 3/1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 4/1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
Where In The World Was I?
- 🚐 Salt Lake City, Utah
Metrics From The Week
Snaps From The Week
Beautiful warm spring days here!
Been getting traditional macchiatos lately and liking them, just a little bit different to the usual espresso line-up. The dallop of milk foam just cuts the edge off the espresso and gives it a bit of a lighter texture.
Started reading outside since it’s been so nice.
The most unreal sunset I’ve seen here.
Haircut this week, actually had some nice convo, felt smooth, confident, and honestly just refreshing to talk to someone… I was asking how he got into it an he said how he loves cutting hair, been doing it 10 years, always needs to be moving and active, likes puzzles. Just reminded me that there are real people outside of online coaching/business that love what they do.
Finally the replacement Amberjack shoes arrived! I’d say they’re like 90% good, much better than the size up, but not quite perfect fit, but I decided to keep them anyways. Good enough 🙂 Love the style though.
Laptop Issues
I was working in a coffee shop one morning (wow big surprise there!) and re-encoding a bunch of video files when I noticed my battery was strangely around 40% when it had been plugged in the full 2-3 hours I was there.
When I go to the park I plugged it in to charge and it… didn’t charge.
Huh, that’s weird.
I tried different ports, I tried my backup battery, my jackery battery, different cables. At best it would say something is plugged in, but the power source was the power adapter and the battery was not charging.
Despite being plugged in, it wasn’t pulling any power and the battery percentage kept dropping.
I was chatting with AI trying to debug this, trying all the things, SMC reset, restarting, different ports, etc. It felt like a race against the clock trying to fix it before it died completely.
I started having flashbacks to when my computer just went completely black in Bali (The Week Of The Emotional Release, June 15th, 2025)
It got to a point where I tried all the things, nothing was working, checked the logs, and AI was like “yeah this might be a more serious issue…” and recommended going to an Apple Genius Bar for support.
Thankfully I found one and booked an appointment within an hour.
He ran a diagnostics test, everything passed, just the battery was showing just barely in the green. He took my computer in the back, removed the cover, and did a manual SMC reset and that fixed it!
Phew!
In the meantime I was looking up how much a new macbook was 😂😅
I’m starting to reach that edge point, my 2019 macbook pro is still going strong, edits videos, barely notice any issues, but it’s also 6 years old and I feel like I’m driving a horse and buggy compared to all these new M5 Pro Max Deluxe Premium Diamond Edition laptops that cook your dinner and take your kids to school, like jeez.
But I’m also like do I really want to drop $2500, $3000 on a laptop? Ehhhhh. Do I need to? Well no. Not yet.
So anyways, the guy said I still have some life in my battery but it’s just getting up there and I’m fine as long as it’s plugged in most of the time, which I can do.
Obviously if this keeps happening then that’s a different story, but it seems like we’re good for now!
The other thing I wanted to say about this was, walking through City Creek mall (high end mall), dressed up with my dress pants, new shoes, catching some gazes from people, just felt like The Man™️ walking through there hahaha. These shoes are a confidence booster for sure lol.
Inner Work
Since I liked the first round of deep journaling prompts, I went back for more. Finished the second round this week and again passed it to AI to analyze.
And wow… immediately started tearing up reading through the response.
Feeling deeply seen and understood, understanding why I’ve behaved the way I do, why I struggle with the things I struggle with… just wow.
Nothing quite like the feeling of crying behind my laptop in a coffee shop lol.
I’ve been reading a lot more books on deeper psychology, inherited family trauma, parts work, childhood, emotions, etc.
- Focusing by Eugene Gendlin – on a tool for using the body to unlock problems
- The War of Art by Steven Pressfield – on resistance and creativity
- It Didn’t Start with You by Mark Wolynn – on inherited family trauma
- Running On Empty by Jonice Webb – on childhood emotional neglect
Not only am I getting value from these, but I’m also seeing it come up in the people I work with, and I want to be able to understand, recognize, and guide people out of these situations, where there’s a deeper emotional or childhood or parental current that’s driving the behavior.
Later that day I figured why I’m already in the emotional state, I passed it all the notes I had taken going through It Didn’t Start With You on inherited trauma and WOW again… Realizing that the fears I have, resentments, struggles, might not even be mine. They might be literally inherited from generations above me.
I started off the book reading about how trauma can be passed down from generation to generation, thinking “pfffttttt that’s bogus”
But they’ve done studies on mice (who have something like the closest DNA sequencing to humans) and have repeated displayed how an emotional trauma to a mouse, after reproducing and that mouse having an all-normal life, that offspring is affected by that parent’s trauma. They showed this up to three generations. Three generations! Wild.
So something that happened to your grandparents can be affecting YOUR behavior today. Wild.
And it’s not just behavior, like a parent behaviorally passing down trauma to a child. They talk about how emotions and stress can affect the eggs and sperm, and things that happen during pregnancy.
Anyways, it’s been fascinating. Maybe fascinating is not the right word to use here, because it’s been maybe the second deepest unlock I’ve had in the past 5 years, maybe even my whole life…
I’m going through this belief rewiring phase right now… I used to think I just needed habit trackers, to push through discomfort, make behavior changes… but I’m realizing there are these deep currents running through everything, currents from deep emotional patterns, and obviously nobody digs these up because why would you want to feel pain, grief, discomfort, whatever is hiding underneath there.
But the only real way to permanently fix these surface level behavioral patterns is to do this type of inner work.
And this is the same thing that people pay A LOT of money for… I now know why.
Side Thought
I was just re-reading this and thinking… Wait isn’t it weird how of ALL the weeks.. my second deepest and most emotional unlock also coincided with an issue with my laptop 🤔🤔🤔
My laptop breaking that week in Bali was one of the core “omens” underneath that emotional release (The Week Of The Emotional Release, June 15th, 2025)…
Like bro out of ALLLLLL the weeks you could’ve had issues… It happened again.
Hmmm
Coaching
I’ve been getting into a lot more DMs/conversations lately.
Also started this new “Blue Collar” protocol, the “show up even when it’s raining” protocol and it’s been really helping me push through the friction on my growth edge lately.
Didn’t get to recording and uploading a YouTube video this week. The deeper emotional inner work hit me pretty hard and couldn’t find the energy or motivation to record a YouTube video.
I did keep creating reels though, those have been going well, a lot quicker and easier.
And I was listening to a podcast on AI and I’m in this community of other coaches and everyone is talking about Claude Code and using AI in different ways.
I used it a lot, but haven’t using it for coding in months. So I did some ideating on how I could specifically use software or Claude Code for my coaching business particularly where I’m at… Super helpful.
Some of the top ideas:
- (my own idea) Auto transcribing every video I record on my phone
- Content repurposing – turning every youtube video into hooks for reels, instagram stories, every reel into video ideas, story texts, etc.
- Vault mining – crawling through my Obsidian vault (which is now at 6,392 notes) for past journal entries, pains, struggles, call notes+transcripts, for hyper-specific content ideas
- Client prep and debrief – one page summaries before calls on threads to pull on, questions, etc. and automated call summaries that I can send to clients
I’ve briefly started with the first two, but now having walked this path many times before and knowing what I like to avoid, I haven’t jumped into building these yet, because I know my tendency has been to prefer building stuff instead of doing what actually moves the needle but I feel resistance towards: getting in conversations, DMs, and calls with people.
But that said, if I could snap my fingers and have these done that would be CRAZY helpful.
This content is not ready to be made public yet.
Thoughts From The Week
202603141021 More deep inner journaling - Publik Coffee
#journal
[...]
### Masculinity & Emotional Range
- When was the last time you cried and *didn't* judge yourself for it?
Yesterday lol, doing parts work [[202511211515 My Internal Family Systems IFS log#3/13/26]]
I've kind of stopped judging myself for crying over the last couple years, realizing that something about my literal biology makes me more emotional, so stop trying to see that as wrong.
[...]
- What's something you do as a man that most guys you know would never admit to?
Cry
- When you're in a room full of men, what part of yourself do you hide?
The emotional side.
- What does strength actually look like to you now vs. what you were sold?
Admitting vulnerability. Being able to process emotions without breaking down like a "weak" guy who needs coddling.
- How do you explain semen retention to someone without sounding insane? And does the fact that you have to "explain" it say something about our culture?
You basically flatten out your dopamine levels, stop spiking it with so many peaks, and this makes the little things in life more rewarding, makes you more confident, and gives you more energy because you're not expending that energy through ejaculation and recovery.
Not sure about the second part
- What would men's mental health actually look like if we stopped calling it "mental health"?
Hmm not sure
[...]
### Dopamine, Phones & The Attention War
- What's the first thing you reach for when you feel uncomfortable and alone in your van at night?
Instagram, YouTube.
- If you tracked your phone pickups for a week, what would the pattern reveal about your emotional state?
I reach for my phone when I'm tired. Been working on this the last couple weeks.
- What's the lie you tell yourself right before you open Instagram "just to check"?
Usually to check my notifications, if anyones commented on my reels, check stories from friends, check how my reels are performing.
- What would your content look like if you spent the time you scroll *creating* instead?
More self-respect probably. Feeling more "healthy"
Yesterday and two days ago, I went out into the parks and sat under a tree and recorded a bunch of reels. And just that time outside plus creating just felt good.
- What's the difference between how you feel after 45 minutes of scrolling vs. 45 minutes of journaling? And if you know the answer, why do you still choose scrolling sometimes?
Scrolling: kind of this numbed but also stimulated state, which goes one of two ways, not wanting to stop, or feeling like "yeah that's enough I need to do something"
Journaling: feeling more clear about myself
Tbh I can't remember a time when I journaled during the same time I would spend scrolling. I've almost always "journaled" in a coffee shop in the morning. So I don't know.
- What does your phone use look like on your best days vs. your worst days?
Best days usually come from creating/producing videos, meditation, walks, no-input meals. Best days phone use is like IG and YouTube under 30/45 minutes.
Worst days usually are like IG and YouTube use 2-3 hours. Just feels like I'm wasting my time.
### Failure, Shame & The Fraud Story
[...]
- Is there a version of failure that would actually be *freeing*?
One where I learned a bunch of skills on the way, developed myself and my skills so that I'm actually in a better position than when I started.
### Grief, Loss & Identity Death
- What version of yourself had to die for this current version to exist?
Socially insecure.
Fear of being seen. Showing vulnerability online, showing my emotions online.
Partially the part of me needing to prove to myself that I can change other people.
- What did you lose when you quit your job that *wasn't* the paycheck?
Stability
Predictable growth, knowing exactly what I need to do next to grow
Certainty, predictability
Some socializing with coworkers
Feeling like people understand me, not being the black or rainbow unicorn of the people around me
- Is there a version of your future you've already mourned — the house, the wife, the "normal" path?
Not really. I actually _do_ want that traditional normal life eventually. I want a house, a wife, kids. But I'll also want to continue to travel frequently, multiple homes.
I see this as a chapter, a build chapter of self-awareness and business, finding ultimate alignment so that I'm not in that life without choosing it.
- What's something you used to love doing that you just… stopped? Do you know why?
Skiing? still do
Journaling and self-awareness? still do
Exploring and road tripping, traveling, backpacking - ah yeah that's one, I'm valuing business and building right now over the novelty of a new city, of camping in the forest, going to the Tetons or Yellowstone
I will say I'd like to get to a point where I feel the business is more stable and predictable or at least I'm profiting enough that I can work on taking a day or two "off" to drive out to the forest, get away, have some novelty, but I'm seeing that as a detractor right now. I'm valuing working out at Anytime Fitness, showering daily, not driving too far/much. It was/is also winter and literally just in the last week it's starting to get warm again where this would be even possible.
[...]
### Spirituality, Meaning & The Invisible
- What do you believe happens when you die?
Honestly? Nothing. You just fade into darkness and then that's it.
But I also kind of believe we, the alive people, can emotionally connect with those who've passed on
And people share these stories of synchronicities and things that are just unexplainable that I haven't been able to figure out
- When was the last time you experienced something you couldn't explain with logic?
Literally last time, [name]'s story about how she just intuitively picked 3 of hearts and told her friend to pick a card from a deck and it was 3 of hearts. Literally unexplainable.
But for MY life, probably the emotional grieving and all the "signs from the universe" in Bali [[202510101512 Recent signs from the universe]]
- Has there been a moment in Focusing or inner work where something shifted and you *knew* it was real — not conceptual, but felt?
Oh all the time, usually when I cry. Like the last parts work [[202511211515 My Internal Family Systems IFS log#3/13/26]] for SURE
- What's the difference between meditation that works and meditation that's performance?
That works = intentionally building the reps and practice of hearing thoughts then coming back to the breath
Performance = sitting there, half present, half thinking, until the timer goes off
### The Creator Journey
- What does it feel like when a piece of content flops after you poured yourself into it?
"Disheartening" came to my mind first, like an "aww damn"
- What does it feel like when something goes viral and you realize thousands of strangers just saw the real you?
Oh I have a lived experience of this hahaha
[[202601260816 The Week Of Skiing And Feeling Exposed - Life Update January 25th, 2026]]
Clipping my towel drop failure moment from a video and posting it to reels, with no ending where I tie it all together and show that I've changed or overcome it, just a "full video link in bio" and it blew up to 20k views, people were roasting me in the comments.
That initial reaction of "wow I don't care what he says" and then 30 minutes later my brain ruminating on it
Talking through this on a video to myself, crying thinking about the idea that someone out there is watching thinking "fuck, that's me" and needs ME to show up and be vulnerable for them
- If you stopped tracking views and followers entirely, would you still create? What would change about *what* you create?
Yeah I would say so
I think the better question is if I didn't need to use social media for business, and in that case, I'd probably just create when I feel like creating and have a message that hits me that resonates with me, these "idea downloads"
### Society, America & Cultural Contrast
- What's something that feels "normal" in America that you now see as deeply broken?
How lonely and asocial people are
Walking into a coffee shop and _consistently_ the first and only thing the barista says is "what can I get started for ya?" compared to the smile, warmth, and happiness that locals show in SE Asia (Bali, Thailand); god it's such a contrast
- What did living in Southeast Asia teach you about happiness that contradicts everything you were raised to believe?
You don't need to hit your goals, to have things, car, couch, to be happy
You can choose to be happy whenever you want
That there are people in third world countries, sleeping on wooden boards, building homes for 12 hours a day in the humid heat, that are happier than people in the US
- Why do you think Americans are so afraid of silence and stillness?
They would be face with how lonely and unhappy they _actually_ feel in their life, which is deeply uncomfortable.
- What would you tell a 25-year-old in SF who's never left the country?
BROTHER LISTEN TO ME, you don't know what you're missing, it's like you're in a box and all you've ever known is that box. It's a case of this "you don't know what you don't know"
I can't explain to you in words what will happen, but it will change your life
- What's something Bali construction workers understand about life that your ex-coworkers at [company] don't?
That every day, there are things to be grateful for, for beauty to see in the world, in life, that each day is something to be grateful for
[...]
### Legacy, Fatherhood & Future Self
[...]
- What are you building right now that you hope outlasts you?
The self-awareness and independence that I instill in other people, and inspire other people to embody
That they find and follow their own path, based on their own life not social media, that they make their own decisions and not get sucked into these quick short money plays
- If nothing about your external life changed for the next 2 years — but you kept growing internally — would that be enough?
What I'll consider not changing externally: still have my van, skis, spend 2-3 months in the U.S. skiing, working spending the other 6-9 months in Bali, building my coaching business, living at Tribal coworking hostel and some basic guesthouses, traveling to Onem events in Europe, Asia, America, wherever they are. No new van, no better clothes, no better scooter than an NMax, no better guesthouses or villas, no flying first or business class.
As I'm writing this, I'm like these are all my goals inside [[202509200901 The next dream life and goals for 2026 I'm working towards]] LOL
"But I kept growing internally" = things like, more confidence in myself, more socially confident, speaking to more people, more women, giving workshops and talks; connecting to more love in my life; more confidence feeling seen in social media, expressing myself, asking for money, able to handle coaching calls to even deeper depths (because I've done even deeper inner work myself), able to handle sales conversations even more.
I feel like I would categorize this situation as one thing, more stored "potential energy."
And honestly? that life sounds good to me.
202603211046 Journal about resistance with YouTube videos - Salt Lake Roasting
#journal #resistance
Wassup, about done this morning, but want to do some journaling here... I've got literally everything on my weekly plan done this week [[202603150000 March 12 Weekly Note]] _except_ recording+scheduling a YouTube video.
Why?
I've had some trouble and resistance (Resistance) with recording a video this week.
Part of it was feeling emotional from the inner work, looking into family inherited trauma, IFS session.
But I've also got some ideas that I could riff on already outlined.
So what's missing here?
Let me try a quick Focusing session.
...
Things that came up
- "where do I feel this?"
- nothing jumped out, but just went with the throat and visualized that
- "what's the worst of this? whats really under this?"
- just feels not worth it, not worth my effort, worthless, putting time and mental effort into this but it's not working, it's not getting me clients
- feels like I'm putting too much pressure on myself, for my videos to "be good," thought about Dan Bolton, that image of the first couple frames, like he's on a facetime
- feels like there's this pressure to not waste peoples time, _even with_ the current chill casual video style
- "what needs to happen?"
- stop putting pressure on myself, just speak from lived experience, from my heart, fail more, this vision of sitting in my drivers seat and recording a youtube video on my phone and uploading that
- "is this the 'i'm not good enough' voice? is this the fraud part? is this self-trust?"
- nothing _clicked_ but I'm like maybe, it could be
- I felt pretty good with this as the takeaway, stop putting pressure on myself, be more accepting of failure, don't try so hard, trusting myself more in the moment
- then at the end I said "thanks buddy, thanks for letting me know what you need"
- then had this faint imagination of this little kid, little me, the part I was speaking to, come running up and give me a big hug, and I hugged him back
- started to tear up, had a tear run down my face, just feeling this love, hugging each other
- then came back to the present
This feels right, that I'm putting too much pressure, I'm watching my views and metrics too much, I'm trying to take video ideas from my reels, ones that did well and turn those into videos... all of this even though I'm "accepting" of the views I'm getting... all of this is implicitly directed towards the goal of getting more views, more subscribers, and thus more clients.
And I think I'm feeling some of this pressure.
So what if we flipped this and said fuck the metrics, and embodied more of Dan Bolton's style, where it's like bro if you have a message, it needs to be heard, and don't try to have a good hook, have a CTA, expect someone to reach out.
Like I'm getting the most leads and DM conversations and engagement from Instagram and reels anyways... The funnel is Instagram -> YouTube anyways... So why don't we stop thinking about YouTube as top of funnel and more as "this is a video for someone that already knows me... a [name], [name], [name], [name], etc." and know that it's okay I don't need to have an amazing hook.
So what am I gonna do about this now?
Well I'm gonna go to Liberty Park today.
I'll do a walk and a meditation and see what's feeling alive in me. NOT AI chatting about the best video idea.
And then I'm kind of liking this idea of YouTube video outlining in MAXIMUM 3 bullet points. Not even [[202512120809 📝 New YouTube video beat sheet]]. 3 bullets, that's your constraint. Because I can remember 2-3 bullet points and riff on those.
Happy to share that later that day I had a video idea on my walk around the park, went back to my van, grabbed my osmo, and recorded the video walking around the park.
This content is not ready to be made public yet.
What’s Next?
Nothing new planned! Macchiatos, coaching, content, and working out.