This Week
- What changed during this morning journal sesh that got me into flow.
- The new guesthouse that I move into.
- Some raw journal entries from this week.
August 2026
| Su | M | T | W | Th | F | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 8/1 |
| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |
| 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 |
| 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
| 30 | 31 | 9/1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
Where In The World Was I?
- Bali, Indonesia
Metrics From The Week
Snaps From The Week
Creative Flow
I had this conversation with a friend last Saturday and had a really interesting takeaway.
I was describing how with my “photography” I just see things. I can sort of choose to “turn on” my lens and look around, and I just see frame. Idk it’s hard to explain in words. It’s kind of this feeling.
But she mirrored that it’s interesting how creativity is more about receiving what’s already there than manufacturing or generating it. And this idea that what if I used this gift more intentionally, when I saw things, thought about how they made me feel and listened to what came up.
So anyways I went to this coffee shop the next morning (last Sunday) and was just journaling about what was on my mind and this idea.
Then I tried it.
I looked out and saw my scooter and saw this frame.
...
- this image, my scooter outside: something about anger, passion, getting mad, the lines of the scooter lights, a tiger, focused, what was I angry at in the past?
- angry that this is your life, dont settle, angry at self
- angry when expectations arent met
- focus, extreme focus, be ruthless about what you want
...
And this kind of started getting these ideas flowing, it was like something unlocked.
I spend that morning ideating more, then went to Nirvana and continued.
Will post the rest of that journal entry in the last section of this post.
But towards the end something else happened.
I saw Hamza (big self-improvement youtuber I used to follow a lot) and thought about saying hi (I met him last year as well).
My heart rate went up, heart started pounding, that stomach sinking feeling thinking about going up to talk to him.
But then I thought about what if I used this body-response AS my indicator…
Saw him go into the sauna, gave it some back and forth, then wen in after and chatted with him.
This has happened before, but it was this instance where I think I made the shift to start deciding that “this feeling” is my indication that I do something, that I move, do what I’m thinking about…
And I was proud of doing that.
Moved
Checked out of the place I’ve been in and tried out a new one, little bit better quality/more expensive. And wow this place is nice. Incredible aesthetics.
That afternoon light is unreal.
Energy Healing
Did an energy healing session this week. Felt super relaxing, really just focused on being super present and bringing awareness to my body/sensations. Nothing crazy came up, but it was a really interesting experience.
SignalOS
Been doing a bunch of ideation as part of the new offer/program we’re running. Came up with idea for a workflow called SignalOS and really defined it.
It’s been fun. Giving it a lot more thought, making it more of a “thing” than just “coaching.”
202607271554 SignalOS
#term
The problem: No one needs more plans, the plans aren't the problem. The problem is that the plan fails at a very specific moment:
The plan says "do X." The body says "not now." The phone and busywork wins.
Each plan assumes you'll actually do the plan.
But no plan addresses that moment between intention and action.
SignalOS is the structure that address that gap, the exact moment you abandon the structure and jump to busywork, change environments, open the phone, and defer the work.
> "A plan tells you what to do. SignalOS also tells you what to do at the exact moment you want to quit — and tracks the proof that you didn't."
There are three installable components to SignalOS:
1. The Priority Lock
2. The Signal Protocol
3. The Proof Log
[...]Also has inspired a lot more ideation, I’ve been diving a lot deeper into human motivation, beliefs, and parts of what I believe/solutions/methods to use.
Social
Been going to Openhouse more. Had some fun exchanges and conversations.
And went to Black Sand Friday night for a friend’s birthday.
This content is not ready to be made public yet.
Thoughts From The Week
202607260824 Morning journaling - House of Yoreh and Nirvana
#journal
Energy. Energy is power. [...]
Ideas coming up:
- one raw video per week
- aspirational identity from [name]: building self-foundation, consistency wherever you are
- both [name] and [name]: deep fear of repeating pattern from earlier
- receiving, turn the lens on, and look; for me use aesthetics then see how it makes me feel
- dirty fuel, make some guide on motivation, how to get yourself to do things
- this image, my scooter outside: something about anger, passion, getting mad, the lines of the scooter lights, a tiger, focused, what was I angry at in the past?
- angry that this is your life, dont settle, angry at self
- angry when expectations arent met
- focus, extreme focus, be ruthless about what you want
- for the raw video idea, it MUST be zero friction but it'd be fun idea to take a question I asked someone else that week or something I like to ask people (like $100m Question) and riff on that for ME each time
- chaos and order, bali traffic, powerlines crazy, trash, but also aesthetics, order in traffic and driving
- coming back to your child-like self, whatever that version of you was
- being reflected your gifts
- there's power in being asked a question that uncovers something, but I realized from [name] there's also a lot of value in someone else actually reflecting back, summarizing, using words. Implication I took away: don't _only_ listen and ask questions, but also speak back statements to them (I already do this on coaching calls, just could be doing it more in person and other areas/opportunities)
- the uncertainty of new environments, walking into the unknown
- the desire for peace, [name] wanted this as well
- [name]'s desire for this identity of quiet confidence
- what does it actually _mean_ to be confident - something like conviction in your belief, self trust that you'll be with yourself with whatever happens
- [...]
- the gift from [name], that intense desire to push for more, to go after what you want, to go after more
- everything we want is a desired state
- isn't it funny how the simplest things hold us back - talking to Hamza in the sauna, he has wanted to do van life for a while, so peaceful, just off grid doing nothing, described it as such a great state. He was describing he could already see the YouTube videos he'd make. Then said how he hasn't done it because needs to find a van, figure out camping, etc. and was like bro I have a VA they would do it for me anyways. I said yeah isn't it funny how it's the simplest things that hold us back.
[...]
What does “focus” feel like in the body when it is alive rather than forced? Ideas and thoughts just flow. It's like ping pong ping pong, just words coming out of me, ideas, images, memories. Focus when forced is like this friction feeling, scratching brain, trying to focus, continuing to lose my focus, thinking about other things, distractions.
What was the younger version of you refusing to accept about his life? The SF and Denver Peter refused to accept that the life I was living was everything that life could be. That I was meant to impact people and serve people at a deeper level of impact than what I was doing.
What do you want badly enough that you would actually sacrifice something pleasurable (short term, distraction, etc.) for it? MMmmmmmm. What do I was _so fucking badly_. What would be worth going through pain to get. Goddam this is a good but hard question. Things that are coming to mind just to get flowing: to be seen, valued, that deep level of transformation in someone, getting a message that's like "holy fuck you changed my life," people crying from how I impacted them, being on stage getting a standing ovation; but also getting this idea of like creative flow, just living my life, being myself, having fun. What do I want _so badly_ though. I'm feeling a little challenged here because in some ways I've got a taste of all these things. So "more" isn't really hitting as hard. Life is comfortable right now (maybe that part of the problem? heh). I have freedom. I have some impact. I do get some messages. What would motivate me right now? I'm not sure... this is kinda not what I was expecting... Will move on.
- [[202607280839 What do I want badly enough that I would sacrifice for it]]
What did [name] reflect back to you that you could not have reached alone? The realization and permission to see that when I start trying (trying to be perfect, accepted), that's when I go quiet, stop posting reels/videos. The childlike version of me, exploring, creative, playing, joking, expressive
[...]
When you use dirty fuel, what does it give you immediately—and what does it cost later? Let me dive into this a bit because I've now used this example twice, with [name] and [name]. The idea is: dirty fuel is like pain, insecurity, lack, "I'm not good enough." This creates a temporary feeling of "fuck this is not okay I need to X"... focus, lock in, work... _so that I can_... prove myself, get the girl, become something else. Usually this works, it creates enough motivation to focus for a couple hours, maybe a day or two (not sure validity of this yet). But if you continue to use this, repeat this over days and weeks and months and years... the idea is that you are continually accumulating "debt." e.g. someone who builds their entire business from lack, to escape, to prove their parents wrong, to prove to their high school bullies that they became someone... I mean I haven't heard of someone who has gone down this path and it became healthy, fulfilling, acting from a place of purpose and service. Does it work? I mean look at Alex Hormozi. Of course it works. But is he happy, fulfilled, feeling purposeful? I think we can say from the Tony Robbins podcast probably not... So dirty fuel immediately creates a gap that must be filled, it creates drive, but it costs you this lack of fulfillment later. Because (the idea is), you build the business, finally you get to $10k/mo, and then you never get a message from your high school bullies, you never get a message from your parents that they're proud of you and your accomplishment, you feel empty. Or, you get that message from your parents and it just doesn't feel the same _as you imagined_ it would feel, maybe that existential relief that you imagined feeling, completing. You get the paycheck, the money, the payout, and _you still feel the same._ It doesn't give you that accomplishment, that high, that full expansive feeling that you imagined.
- Okay I think I do have some lived experience here: the sign-on bonus I got from GitHub, that first paycheck, sitting in [name] place in [location], seeing like $26k? hit my account and going fuckk this is crazy, and then it was like the next day thinking "man I can't wait for my next paycheck" and thinking
- The promotion to SWE 2, how I already kind of envisioned it.
- I'm seeing a pattern here... it's like you get to this point where you already imagine it happening, you already accept and _expect_ it to happen, so that when the money hits the account, when you actually get the promotion, it's not really a high, it's like "oh nice." It's not novel. I think novelty is what creates excitement.
What emotions have you historically converted into productivity? Intrinsic motivation, my dailyvs, something low friction, expression, oh wait, something here about DailyVs and my videos... I get this feeling of needing to talk things out, that's been developed _from_ all my videos, but the videos serve as the space and outlet for that feeling. Routine has created productivity. Curiosity, desire to understand myself, trying to create clarity from uncertainty. What _emotions_ though... The pull of purpose and expansion. Definitely shame, lack, "I need money", insecurity has gotten me to work. I'm actually kind of seeing how much dirty fuel I've used to create consistency and productivity in my life, not really expecting that. How has clean fuel _actually_ changed my behavior? I think it's changed my expression, made videos from it, done podcasts with [name], explored and traveled, excitement has gotten me out of my house and to coffee shops and new countries, it's gotten me on calls sometimes, like with [name], maybe more like got me to develop my skills more to serve better and deeper. Creative flow has gotten me ideas (like this session).
Just went to the bathroom. Felt the desire to open my phone. Caught it. Asked myself "what am I actually feeling right now/need to feel?" Silence, space, lack of stimulation. Then this idea thread came up. I don't know if this is right but let's work it out. I had this image of two graphs. One is the short dopamine spike you get from reaching for your phone, watching a funny reel and laughing, ejaculating, getting a compliment, etc. It looks like this spike and then drop below baseline, that's the important part, the drop _after_ is below, it's the emptiness you feel, it's the "fuck... what am I doing" gap that you feel. And on the right is what I'm feeling right now, it's the purpose, expansion, it's the pride in myself/yourself, it's the creative flow. It's this kind of flat straight line, a little bit above your baseline, but the point is that it's low, it's like 1/5th the height of the dopamine spike. It's doesn't really feel _that_ good, especially when you compare to that specific moment when you watch a reel and just burst out laughing, when you're [...]... It's just kind of this "low-grade" warmth. Like the oven is on warm. And so the challenge is obvious here, which creates more desire to have, the high feeling or the low feeling? The spike, which is why we choose instant gratification. But, and here's where I have a blank... The implication is, well _you "should" want the right graph, the low grade warmth_... but why? Why should we want this? Like what's the actual reason? Should we want it to avoid the low feeling after dopamine spikes? Because why wouldn't you just want to keep creating dopamine spikes, wouldn't those _feel_ better? Maybe the answer is that this is just biologically _not_ how this works. It's physically impossible. After a dopamine spike, it takes time to recover, so in order to _feel_ the same, you must have MORE of a stimulus to create the same internal feeling. This is why repeated porn is dangerous, because each day you need a higher stimulus, rougher sex, more intense imagery/video, in order to feel that same feeling of pleasure. And so the only way this is actually possible is to continue to increase the stimulus, get into drugs, etc.
Okay I'm back.
So I'm sitting here on the side cushion tables at Nirvana and see Hamza (THE Hamza) walk by. Saw him yesterday from a far as well. Felt this stomach sinking feeling and heart rate increase, _what if he looks at me?_ _should I go over and say hi?_ ... then see him walk to the sauna. And really felt this really clear stomach sinking feeling nervousness and heart pounding. Then I noticed it and thought about going to the sauna, then I was like eh do I need to? do I really want to? what if, what if... Then I heard this idea "whenever you feel this nervousness, you have to move and act on it." I've heard this from some Instagram reels, guys with meta glasses doing cold approach and saying "hey i have this rule whenever I feel nervous about talking to a girl I go up and say hi so here I am" that kind of thing. Went back and forth, then I was like aight fuck it I'm gonna go. Went over and into the sauna. He was chatting with these two other older women, but jumped in, chatted, and then told him I met him last year in the sauna, had a little chat.
Really want to highlight and reward that. I'm proud of doing that. Hearing and feeling that VERY clear _body_ signal, and then _acting_ on it. Do we make it a rule? Let's not jump to scaling too soon. But the more I can physically act on these body signals, each time I do it I'm rewiring my identity and body.
What else did I learn from this? RARELY do I feel such a strong signal. This almost never happens. Maybe pre-Give It All speech is another consistent time I've felt this strong of a stomach sinking nervousness and heart pounding. Maybe as well my approach to [name] (first smoothie question), the nude cafe girl, but usually approaches start as a small signal, and only after I decide to do it does the stomach sinking feeling come.
The idea I'm getting here is like, for _avoidance_, like sending a message, where you jump to a different task or scroll, it's nothing even remotely CLOSE to how strong of a body signal this is. It's a really quiet whisper. Which makes it so hard to hear/be aware of, which is probably then why we jump to other things so easily.
202607280839 What do I want badly enough that I would sacrifice for it
#journal #goals
Came up in [[202607260824 Morning journaling - House of Yoreh and Nirvana]] and want to explore this further...
> What do you want badly enough that you would actually sacrifice something pleasurable (short term, distraction, etc.) for it? MMmmmmmm. What do I was _so fucking badly_. What would be worth going through pain to get. Goddam this is a good but hard question. Things that are coming to mind just to get flowing: to be seen, valued, that deep level of transformation in someone, getting a message that's like "holy fuck you changed my life," people crying from how I impacted them, being on stage getting a standing ovation; but also getting this idea of like creative flow, just living my life, being myself, having fun. What do I want _so badly_ though. I'm feeling a little challenged here because in some ways I've got a taste of all these things. So "more" isn't really hitting as hard. Life is comfortable right now (maybe that part of the problem? heh). I have freedom. I have some impact. I do get some messages. What would motivate me right now? I'm not sure... this is kinda not what I was expecting... Will move on.
AI chat: [[20260728_083903_Exploring_Desire_and_Sacrifice]]
- maybe sacrifice is the wrong way to think about this? something pulling me _through_ discomfort, which is a lack-driven motivation; outcomes don't really get me charged
- the creative flow, that feeling of sexual energy, energy for life, getting ideas and writing & the Hamza moment, feeling that aliveness, nervousness, then moving through it, feeling peace and pride and respect for myself after -> both are a way of being, not a destination
- do I think I'm starting to accept that this is all life could be? tbh not really; let me feel the body for a sec: there's maybe a bit of conceptual tension that I'm not fully embodying the version of me that I want to embody... I want more girls. I want more biz results. I want to grow more. I want to coach more people. I want to impact more people. I'm not there yet, and I feel that gap. This doesn't feel like "accepting that my life is all life could be" though.
- Maybe "more" or something "different" isn't the destination, but rather living inside the embodied version of myself _daily_ instead of in moments, at Nirvana, after a workout, this creative flow ideation day. Interesting idea... It's a lower grade desire and motivation, but it reminds me of the idea I wrote about with the two graphs, dopamine spikes versus warm sustained feeling.
- "3. Forget sacrifice for a second. What way of moving through a day would make you feel the kind of self-respect you felt walking into that sauna — not once, but as a baseline?" Daily challenge. Something where I have to live on my edge every day. The edge _is_ aliveness.
- Sitting there heart pounding feeling nervous looking at Hamza _was_ my edge.
- Standing by the Give It All stage heart pounding _was_ my edge.
- Looking at [...] _was_ my edge.
- The edge is risk. There's upside and downside. There's tension.
- The warmth idea, I asked "why should I want it" but the real question is "why do I keep leaving it?" What is comfortable-enough-Peter protecting by not staying in the warmth?
- He's protecting the feeling of being on the edge (which is what creates the pride and respect). The discomfort of pushing a little bit, pushing my focus when I'm tired, waiting for the "right" moment. The discomfort of putting out more content, of focusing, of being seen, visibility. Comfortable-enough-Peter makes some videos, talks about what he wants, "shows up" but isn't really _pushing_ (pushing through the discomfort) or living up to his potential.
Biggest point: The edge IS aliveness.
- "You don't need something to sacrifice _for_. You need to sacrifice _comfort itself._ The edge _is_ the thing. Not a means to something else." (fuck that lands hard, sacrifice comfort itself)
- The _daily_ edge is the whispers of avoidance.
"If you already know the edge is where you feel most like yourself... what does comfortable-enough-Peter believe he's keeping safe by staying off it? What's he afraid would happen, or what he'd have to feel, if he actually lived there every day?"
- First thing that's coming up is what came up with [name] at Nirvana... Feeling not good enough. Every edge moment presents a fork in the road, maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, and if it doesn't, it "might mean" (attached meaning) that I'm not good enough, I made a mistake, did something wrong, be seen imperfect. And that might mean that I'm not accepted or loved, to be humiliated or embarrassed in front of other people. And I don't want to feel that.
- That feels right.
202607290822 The Cold Pool Effect
#term
In high school I was on the swim team.
I absolutely hated Saturday morning swim practice.
Not only was it early in the morning, but it was fucking cold. The swim team season happened over winter.
I'd arrive to the locker room after treking through the snow outside, bundled up in a winter jacket, take off all my clothes to put a small little speedo on, and walk out into the pool area.
Coach blows the whistle to start our warm up.
And every time, without fail, there was this moment...
You're standing at the end of the pool, goosebumps on your whole body, goggles on, knowing full well as soon as you jump in, the water is gonna be fucking cold.
As so you stand there delaying... and delaying...
Finally the brain shuts off and you take the courageous leap into the water.
But here's where it gets interesting...
I start swimming, doing our warm up laps, and about 45 seconds later I notice something...
I stop thinking about how cold it is.
I'm now focused on swimming.
It doesn't feel cold anymore.
All that time, standing on the edge, delaying, deferring, was to avoid about 45 seconds of discomfort.
45 seconds.
And this happened consistently.
I call this the Cold Pool Effect.
Take some task you're avoiding doing, something with some friction, some emotional weight, some discomfort, a hard workout...
Your brain and body avoids that discomfort because it doesn't feel good... duh.
But if you realize that, without fail, in about 45 seconds, you'll forget just how uncomfortable it is... it lessens the [[202607220901 Activation Resistance]] you feel.
45 seconds. That's all it is.
What are you delaying doing because of 45 seconds of discomfort?
What’s Next?
same same